I cringe when someone says, "Before you know it, they'll be 18." Because I know it's true. Seven years have flown by in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, I was holding my tiny son: a new mother embarking on the most beautiful experience imaginable. Now, I have a gorgeous 7-year old and a 4-year-old female firecracker beside him. Tomorrow they'll be 14 and 11, then 21 and 18 and living lives of their own. Of course, Benjamin insists he'll be living with us (and I cling to that thought, secretly). Scenes from The Village play in my head, recast with familiar characters (sans monster suits, though I'd keep the old world accents). The clock ticks loudly and NPR shouts songs with lyrics like "We're just passing through." The temporary reality of this lifetime is overwhelming at times! Not enough time in the day sometimes feels like not enough time in a lifetime. There are so many things I want to do: have at least one more baby (twins would be great), take my family to visit the history of the eastcoast (Virginia, Pennsylania, and Washington DC), join Circ de Soleil (I'm a semi-realist, so I know this one probably isn't going to happen), become an elite athlete (like my husband who runs 100 miles and lives to tell about it), and make a meaningful contribution to the world. There is so much left to do.
But it's a funny world. Because sometimes the days don't go by fast enough. Spilled milk (and sometimes you do feel like crying because raw milk is really expensive), temper tantrums, sinks full of dishes, a toy-wrecked house, sickness, that feeling of sadness looming (just the iron deficiency talking)...let these things pass quickly. But coloring with my 4-year-old ray of sunshine, watching my warrior son battle imaginary Goliaths, snuggling with my babies, quiet conversations with my superhero husband...1,000 years wouldn't be too long to breath in the wonder of a world filled with these lovely moments.
At 35 (that number doesn't look right), I should surely be better at enjoying the sweet moments and just breathing through the bad. I've certainly learned that good things can come from both. So here's what I'll do: I'll try harder to enjoy the memorable times (like watching Benjamin and Annie playing The Lone Ranger), concentrate less on the distractions (like cleaning), and create more opportunities for happy times (this may involve getting rid of most of our stuff so I don't have to clean it). I want to enjoy it all. So I'm going to. Starting now.
i wish my days of "is it bedtime yet?" were less often and the days of "i never want this to end" were more frequent...i think me reading your blog can help that. you enjoying your kids helps me enjoy mine as well. some perspective from such a gratitude filled person as yourself.
ReplyDeleteeven if you got rid of all your stuff, the high desert dust would still come and gather on your bare walls and floors. not to mention that crack between the refrigerator and kitchen counter. i actually find deep cleaning meditative...but daily tidying irritating. i think its good for kids to see (and assist) what it takes to keep a house going. but yes, more memory making is a good goal.