The Benefits of Cloning

Baby Annie in her sunny spot

Jeff was reading to the kids this evening (The Adventures of Dr. Dolittle). Teeth were brushed, pajamas donned, and I was tidying up the nursery (really just our little bedroom crammed full with a king-size bed, twin bunkbeds, and an aisle barely suitable for walking). Between chores, I glanced at a picture of 6-month-old Benjamin. Now, I've looked at this picture a thousand times (everyday for the past 7 years). It's the silliest picture...gigantic blue eyes peaking curiously out of a perfectly round little face. It has always made me laugh out loud. But tonight it made me cry. And do you know why? Because parenthood is strange. You fall in love with these sweet little children over and over again. Each age brings something altogether wonderful and completely new. Terrible tantrums, learning to talk, little legs newly walking, riding bikes, teeth falling out, and personalities unfolding with the rising sun. And I want them all — each age and every experience. I want Benjamin and Annie as newborns, at one, two, three, four, five...and beyond. By the time Benjamim reaches 18, I'd like 18 of him. Is that so much to ask? Near the end of my grandmother's life, she asked me if I loved her as much at 26 years (the year before I had Benjamin) as I had at three. I laughed and told her I loved her more as an adult because I knew her more deeply than I did as a child. She said she loved me more at three. The woman was dying of lung cancer. I figured she could say whatever she pleased, and I hid my slight sadness at her answer. Perhaps I went downhill after three, but I think I understand what she meant. I didn't love Benjamin more at two than I do at 7 1/2. But I love both of them. My big-boy Benjamin with his battles and loose teeth, AND my little guy that loved muccas (motorcycles) and pink (boy did he love pink). Annie's sweet kisses at two and her incredible pictures of princesses (pitas) now at four. I love getting to know my littles on a deeper level than I could when they were very young, but that doesn't erase the beauty that was (almost) everyday since the moment they were born. And sometimes it seems that memories aren't quite enough. Every once in awhile I'd like all of those little people with me at once. Especially on the days when funny pictures make me cry...

Annie (1) and Benjamin (4)

A tearful 4 1/2-year-old Benjamin with a toy stuck on his finger
(olive oil didn't work and I eventually had to saw it off)

Modern-day dress-up